The biological clock.
As we all know that men and women have different biology. A man’s biology may start slowing down a little younger than that of a woman, but goes on much longer.
Unfortunately a woman, who hasn’t started trying to have children yet, may slow down even quicker.
There was a book written on this subject if I remember it was called babies versus carrier. That being said, it is also note worthy that a man was given the mitzvah of ‘pru urevu’ where the woman wasn’t. Understandably the women still wants to have children let me quote a Gomorrah I need a stick for my old age & a spade for my [to dig] grave.
However somehow, some girls expect a Bochur around their age let us say early forties to marry them when they are in their early forties. The shadchan will dig up or cook up 10 stories where people had children that way, the girl will feel she could still have children, very often she could however the boy has a mitzvah that [he may not be mevatel] he must have children, and is still of age to have to do so, the girl may still be able but there is a doubt which may even prohibit the Bochur from getting married to the girl according to halacha.
Please understand it is no mitzvah to try and force the Bochur in to this type of shiduch if he objects, the fact that you have an idea does not make you a posek and even if you asked a shailoh. The Bochur has the right to ask his poskim & his doctors as to what is still considered childbearing, enough to have a boy & girl.
You will only build up the girl’s hope on the one hand & upset the Bochur on the other, and cause more harm than good.
May I suggest that a girl in this sad situation marry someone who has already fulfilled the requirements of Pru Urvu, and hope that she could still be zocheh to a stick for her old age.
That said, I feel a Bochur, who is not a Cohen may also be better off giving in on marrying someone who is on their second time, even with children, as they say two very unhappy people could make four very happy people. BTW a Cohen could still marry an almonoh.
Unfortunately a woman, who hasn’t started trying to have children yet, may slow down even quicker.
There was a book written on this subject if I remember it was called babies versus carrier. That being said, it is also note worthy that a man was given the mitzvah of ‘pru urevu’ where the woman wasn’t. Understandably the women still wants to have children let me quote a Gomorrah I need a stick for my old age & a spade for my [to dig] grave.
However somehow, some girls expect a Bochur around their age let us say early forties to marry them when they are in their early forties. The shadchan will dig up or cook up 10 stories where people had children that way, the girl will feel she could still have children, very often she could however the boy has a mitzvah that [he may not be mevatel] he must have children, and is still of age to have to do so, the girl may still be able but there is a doubt which may even prohibit the Bochur from getting married to the girl according to halacha.
Please understand it is no mitzvah to try and force the Bochur in to this type of shiduch if he objects, the fact that you have an idea does not make you a posek and even if you asked a shailoh. The Bochur has the right to ask his poskim & his doctors as to what is still considered childbearing, enough to have a boy & girl.
You will only build up the girl’s hope on the one hand & upset the Bochur on the other, and cause more harm than good.
May I suggest that a girl in this sad situation marry someone who has already fulfilled the requirements of Pru Urvu, and hope that she could still be zocheh to a stick for her old age.
That said, I feel a Bochur, who is not a Cohen may also be better off giving in on marrying someone who is on their second time, even with children, as they say two very unhappy people could make four very happy people. BTW a Cohen could still marry an almonoh.
posted by Shiduchim Crisis at 8:56 PM
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