!Reminder Time to start this blog again

I will have to some research.

Demands, detailed rules!

Who gives hadrocho to theses girls?
Well they were back & forth over the last five years busy persuading me to meet an Israeli girl.
I have tried to live over there, but for me it doesn’t work, I have a house & a little business which with Siyato Dishmayo, I built up over the past decade, & Boruch Hashem I have Parnoso Berevach from it. Circumstantially, I could not agree to live in Eretz Yisroel until Bias Hamoshiach, or if Chas V’ Shalom it delays atleast until retirement. As they say you could move around in your early twenties & late sixties, in between is the problem. I am sure many of you will have a lot of reasons to disagree with me without knowing who I am & the facts on the ground as long as they are judging others & not being judged by others they are OK. Please do your homework, include case studies, before you pass judgement.
Anyway to cut the long story short, this girl promised that she had no problem with living in the USA, and claimed she had met many others under the same condition. I thought it would be better if she came over here to meet even at my expense, because never having been to USA how was she supposed to agree to it. As I put it in Hebrew ‘Ani Ohev Glidah ! Aich Ata Yodaiya? Ani Af Paam Lo Taamti Glidah! Means I love ice cream! How do you know? I never ever tasted ice cream.
Bottom line I gave in got a rushed passport $157.00 a summer ticket almost $1500; lodging $50.00 a night etc. let us say $3000.00. Boruch Hashem I could afford it, but think of all those who you blame for being single who couldn’t & who are broke from last time, and don’t dare risk getting in to more debt on your feelings that you the shiduch for them.
Here I come first date; Paranoia of maybe neighbors will see, prevents her from allowing me to start at her parents home. She describes where she will be & how she will be dressed, & where I have to come to. I don’t exist I just have to follow orders. My luck, I stupidly don’t show my man and go along with her dictates nonsense & paranoia. Of course some one who I know walks over & warns me my cousin [later I found out my aunt] were in their holiday suite upstairs, and could come down any minute, well as long as her neighbors don’t see anyone [who they don’t even know who it is & why he is coming]. It doesn’t matter if his friends & family spot him, men are indispensable have an abundance of money are insensitive & have no feelings.
Due to the oddities of this particular shiduch which the studies could help others understanding, what we are going through & what Hadrocho is needed, I think I will post the actual meeting contents in posts to follow. I learned a lot, it was an expensive lesson; let others gain from my findings. Be patient I don’t always have the time to post.

The biological clock.

As we all know that men and women have different biology. A man’s biology may start slowing down a little younger than that of a woman, but goes on much longer.
Unfortunately a woman, who hasn’t started trying to have children yet, may slow down even quicker.
There was a book written on this subject if I remember it was called babies versus carrier. That being said, it is also note worthy that a man was given the mitzvah of ‘pru urevu’ where the woman wasn’t. Understandably the women still wants to have children let me quote a Gomorrah I need a stick for my old age & a spade for my [to dig] grave.
However somehow, some girls expect a Bochur around their age let us say early forties to marry them when they are in their early forties. The shadchan will dig up or cook up 10 stories where people had children that way, the girl will feel she could still have children, very often she could however the boy has a mitzvah that [he may not be mevatel] he must have children, and is still of age to have to do so, the girl may still be able but there is a doubt which may even prohibit the Bochur from getting married to the girl according to halacha.
Please understand it is no mitzvah to try and force the Bochur in to this type of shiduch if he objects, the fact that you have an idea does not make you a posek and even if you asked a shailoh. The Bochur has the right to ask his poskim & his doctors as to what is still considered childbearing, enough to have a boy & girl.
You will only build up the girl’s hope on the one hand & upset the Bochur on the other, and cause more harm than good.
May I suggest that a girl in this sad situation marry someone who has already fulfilled the requirements of Pru Urvu, and hope that she could still be zocheh to a stick for her old age.
That said, I feel a Bochur, who is not a Cohen may also be better off giving in on marrying someone who is on their second time, even with children, as they say two very unhappy people could make four very happy people. BTW a Cohen could still marry an almonoh.

The out of bounce: syndrome.

I have experienced over & over again that a girl will say no to a boy for 10-15 years, & then when the boy tells the Shadchan this girl knows about me for years, she blew it, I don’t want her any more, at that stage she denies any knowledge of the boy, and realizes the rope has snapped. This guy is no longer available to me now I want.
She then starts calling back all the old Shadchonim, who got a yes about of the boy to try it all over again.
This leads me to believe that a lot of the girls only want something they can’t get.
They must understand that anything that would be good a few years down the road is good now. All you need is a partner you feel comfortable, secure, and able to practice your religion with.
Hopefully the next post will be the biological clock syndrome bli neder.

The Shadchan for Young isn't qualified for old

Many good willed, well wishing, over ego nutcases feel that they have the keys to help G-d.
So they come over to an older single[older than themselves] in public like outside Shul, and say I have a list of Shadchonim who should we call, then they make sure to embarrass you more, by going over to another one of your friends & laying out their wise cracks.
What are they missing?
1. An older single has been through so much embarrassment, intimidation & humiliation; they aren’t going to go to the shadchan, any more.
2. We all know that once you go through that humiliation, now you have to listen to the shadchan, and we know how much time & energy has gone to waste, because of that.
3. The energy, and travel time we have preserved must be used on meeting girls not Shadchonim.
4. The trick of sending us to see a girl who really has no interest in us, just feels she has to please the shadchan, at our cost and expense.
5. A shadchan who has succeeded with a thousand younger shiduchim obviously thinks it is the same deal. Let me tell you are selling inferior products [nothing meant here, but let us be honest with ourselves shelf time decreases value in perishable products] to educated selective sensitive consumers, you cannot use the same marketing skills used in selling top notch products to the young & dumb.
6. The results I am not talking to you. Why? Because you red me a shiduch.

Time to revamp this blog

I think it is time to get started again & move this blog up. Any ideas what should be discussed over here. Please comment thanks

Just One more Shiduch

Shadchan Dear shadchan, please be honest what is my gain if you knock 7 years of my age.
I get to see a nice sweet young girl, only to dream about her later. She is mad at you for fooling her i am mad at you for wasting my time, and building up my hopes, you made no money, I wasted time & money.
So I ask you one more time just why?

A reply to a girls blog on another shiduch blogger

I am a Bochur of over 40, my younger siblings are B"H married & have kids & learn in Eretz Yisroel. I was a better learner than them, but my situation forced me to work. I try to help in tuition fees for my YOUNGER brother's kids.
I always tell my father that: the fact my clock stopped, doesn't mean Klal Yisroel should stop, and certainly not my younger brothers.
Yes people are mean. Imagine having to daven with out a Talis & being the oldest one in Shul, with a graying beard. Yes every day!
Do I get broken, I am human, I am sensitive, and I find it hard to forgive sometimes.
However how you can let your guard down like that?
WE don’t run the world, nor do we understand why we came here, who said we were brought here to have a family & children, of course we want one.
Stop and think, maybe not have children and accepting the L-ord’s decree is more choshuv by HKB”H, than having a family & children. HKB”H can show the world that he is boss through you. See Tania (IGERES HAKODESH 11, BTW I AM NOT A CHABADNIC).
Just use common sense alone; what do you gain by being depressed or jealous does it bring you any good? It ruins you. Who wants to marry a depressed bitter jealous lady/or man for that matter?
Get out of your rut!! Break yourself to help others, “Fagin” Fagin & Fagin again. You will feel better, & you see Yeshuas Hashem Kehref Ayin.
Remember your real Tachlis is to want what Hashem wants for you.
HKB”H doesn’t need your help, and knows a lot better than you what is good for you. When you say Krias Shema be Mekabel Oil Malchus Shomayim, and be prepared to die any death or [not even die] suffer any suffering to sanctify the name of the L-ord. Mean what you say, and think how lucky you really are to go through “Busha “[embarrassment] equivalent to Shfichas Domim [murder] so as to sanctify the name of the L-ord.
Think of all the times you died out of embarrassment, and you still accept the L-ord’s judgments & decrees.
How many of your happily married friends could really mean Shema Yisroel like you could? How much Nachas you give HKB”H from your Shema more than Malochim & Serofim.
Why feel empty you are the world & the world stands on you? You have a private agreement between you & HKB”H. “Btach Bashem Vasei Tov Shchon Boretz Ureah Emuna”.
That is how I feel, [a Bochur over 40] it is very likely I have been rejected by you based on my age, never the less I am not bitter. I pray please HKB”H don’t let the situation rule me, let me continue to rule it.

Relax be cool calm & collective

Boys must sleep enough & be relaxed. Those yeshivas who shelve five bochyrim in a dorm room for 16K a year, are good entrepeners, but....
If some one has never before in his life slept in such conditions, & under such stress is meant to learn all day, be diturbed & deprived sleep all night with people comming in & out smoking, shmoozing & boozing with loud music.
I think they may get more sleep in a jail cell & it is a lot less expensive, and possibly won't destroy the shiduch as much as a dorm room.
Come on Vintage Jeans!

Boys must sleep enough & be relaxed